In my travels, I have checked in in many hotels in the Philippines and overseas. The pleasantries and conversations are routine. It usually goes like this
Front desk: Good day sir. Welcome to Hotel_____. How may I help you?
Me: I have a reservation.
Front desk: Just a minute sir, let me check your reservation.
Yes we have it, please fill in these forms. May I see your passport
Front desk: How do you wish to settle your bills? By credit card?
Me: Credit card is fine. Here it is
Front desk: Here is your key to room ____. The lift is on the right. Breakfast is at 6:30 to 9:00. The pool is on the third floor. You have complimentary use of the gym. If you have other concerns, please don't hesitate to call us. Have a pleasant stay.
Me: Thank you and good day.
But the most memorable front desk conversation was in a business hotel in an Asian city (the reader can guess where). After the usual check in conversation this was followed by
Front desk man: Sir, I 'm very sorry that your room isn't ready yet. The bathroom has to be fixed. If you want, I can put you in another room.
Me: No worries. That's fine.
Front desk man: We put you in room with office. Internet access, satellite TV.
Me: That's good. Thank you
Front desk man: Would you like a fuk in your room?
Me: Excuse me?
Front desk man: Would you expect to get fuk during your stay?
Me: Excuse me? What's that again?
Front desk man: Fuk toot toot toot toot , rring. toooooooooot!
Me: Oh you mean fax!, fax machine!
Front desk man: Yes.
Me: Thanks but I don't expect to get that kind of fukses during my stay. Email is fine.
Front desk man: OK sir, here is your key to room 426. If you have problem. Please call me.
Me: Thank you.
BTW in the same city, I had the same problem with eating utensils. Waiter: Here is your fok, sir.